


Break My Heart

by InterstellarVagabond



Series: My Soul to Keep [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, emotional honesty and healthy relationship building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:59:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16600151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarVagabond/pseuds/InterstellarVagabond
Summary: It's been a few weeks after the Theia Souls were shut down. People are returning to their normal lives, as normal as it can get after something like that. Peter Nureyev still hasn't left, and day in and day out Juno Steel has to live with the fact that this thief without a home has set up shop in his to... take care of him. After being a puppet for Ramses, he didn't think it could get any worse, but now he wonders if he isn't making it worse.Set after Bare My Soul





	Break My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't intending to do an epilogue but I found myself hit with the idea at 3 am so there you go

Juno sat in front of the window, a blanket over his lap and Small Fry ripping up old magazines on the floor beside his chair. He could hear Nureyev cleaning up in the kitchen, the clinking of dishes being washed (the dishwasher broke two years ago and Juno never bothered to get it fixed). Juno sighed, his body felt like crap. Weeks apparently weren't enough to recover from being puppeted around against the protest of physical limitations, fighting your own self, and getting fried now and then by a Soul struggling to keep itself attached. 

Nureyev tried to help. He made sure Juno was in bed by ten and up by nine, showered, tried to make him eat regular meals. He never complained when Juno just sat in front of the window to listlessly watch Hyperion City rebuild itself from the "Theia Attack."

Despite his fatigue, Juno also felt antsy. The sounds were all starting to grate on him, dishes in the sink, Small Fry ripping up old magazines, his own breathing, Nureyev humming. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, tossing the blanket aside and heading for the coat-rack by the door. He grabbed his old coat, one of the memories of his life pre-soul that had been saved by remaining in this health code violation of an apartment. 

"Hey, I'm going out," Juno said, putting on the coat before grabbing his boots from where they sat in a pile by the door.

"Oh?" Nureyev sounded happy, hopeful even, peeking at Juno out of the corner of his eye. 

"Yeah, just... don't wait up or anything, I'll be back sometime," Juno said, already dying for the burn of whiskey down his throat, the smell of spilt booze and cigarette smoke and the general atmosphere of anywhere that wasn't _here_.

"Alright, I'll hold down the fort," Nureyev said with a grin, because he really did think Juno was going out for some fresh air maybe to the office to see if Rita had any new work for him. He was sure this was a step in the right direction, Juno could tell, and that hit him like a freight train but it still wasn't enough for him to change his mind about where he was going.

 

 

Juno had made up his mind to stay out until he was sure Nureyev would be asleep, he didn't want him to see him coming home drunk after all his hard work to stitch up the patchwork detective and make him whole again. So he sat at the bar, watching races and foreign soap operas on the television and throwing back however many drinks he had creds for. By the time he was dizzy enough to not feel guilty anymore but not so dizzy he couldn't read the clock at 1:32 am he decided to leave. 

He stumbled out the door, steadying himself with a hand to the cold brick wall. He knew Hyperion like the back of his hand, one more drunk walk home out of hundreds wouldn't be a problem.

There were few people still out and about, but one of the few stragglers of the late night crowd saw Juno.

He recognized him.

"You!" he said, charging for Juno and throwing him back against the nearby chainlink fence. He held Juno there by his coat collar, fury in his eyes. "You're the guy that turned me in for not wearing a Soul!"

_Fuck._

Juno didn't know how to answer, so he didn't. He just lowered his head a little, didn't bother to keep it from lolling to much. The man clearly didn't like this drunken indifference, so he hit Juno hard across the face. Juno slumped to the ground, where the man punctuated another sentence with a kick to the stomach.

"I was a prisoner! For months! My partners didn't recognize me! I  _converted_ them. Put Souls on them when they were sleeping and all because you did it to me first!" the man yelled, kicking and kicking and Juno didn't feel much like fighting back because he was right. It was his fault. He'd hurt so many people working as Ramses's little pet, and this was just... justice. 

Finally, the man got tired. He started panting and waved his hands dismissively. He could tell he wasn't going to get a reaction from Juno, so he just spat and left. Juno took a moment, curled up on himself, to feel pain radiating throughout his body. He sat up with some effort and a pained grunt, and managed to hobble back into the bar. When the bartender looked back up, surprised at the return customer and scared by his bloodied face, Juno just raised a finger.

"You know what, how about just one more for the road?"

 

 

Juno probably opened the door too loud when he tripped into his apartment, feeling around in the dark hoping Small Fry was asleep in the bedroom like usual. He didn't wanna step on her by accident. He closed the door and tried to work himself free of the tangle of his coat, and that's when the lights came on and blinded him.

"Ah!" Juno hissed, throwing his hands up defensively. "God... god damn it Nureyev, did you turn on the sun?" 

"What happened?" Nureyev asked, approaching and moving Juno's hands out of the way so he could get a better look at the nasty bleeding bruise that split open across one of Juno's eyebrows. He sniffed, an unnecessary bit of detective work given Juno had burst into the room slurring and avoiding light like the plague. "You've been drinking?"

"Yeah, I've been drinkin'," Juno said. "I think I'm allowed, aren't I?"

Nureyev didn't answer the question, just ran a thumb lightly over Juno's forehead. "You're bleeding. Come to the bathroom, I'll get the first aid kit and get you fixed up."

"No!" Juno grunted, slapping Nureyev's hands away. 

"What?" Nureyev asked, face turning towards a disapproving frown. 

"I said no, I don' want you to fix it," Juno huffed, finally working free of his coat and tossing it to the ground. I don' want you to sit around in this cheap apartment fixin' it for me for the rest of your life! Why... why would you think that I was ever okay with that?"

Juno threw himself onto the couch, covered his face in his hands. He was... ashamed. Nureyev had stayed here, he could have the stars the whole universe and he stayed here to help clean up after Juno's mistake and what did he do? He got wasted and he shouted and he burned bridges.

"You think I'm here to fix you?"

Juno moved his fingers apart so he could peek up at Nureyev, who was standing over him with his arms folded over his chest.

"You... you never left... you could have left and you stayed and you made me take care of myself, and when I don't you take care of me, and I just sit there and don't get any better," Juno mumbled. 

"Juno..." Nureyev said, frustrated, running one hand through his hair and letting the other fall at his side slapping against his leg. "I'm not trying to  _fix_ you. I'm trying to  _help_ you. I can't fix you, I don't have the training and quite frankly it wouldn't be healthy. If you want to be fixed that's on you. You have to try, you have to find a therapist or go to an AA meeting or start meditating or praying or something but I can't fix you! I just want to help. I just want to be there for you when it's hard, I know I couldn't fix you even if I wanted to and the minute helping you starts to wear on me I'll  _talk to you_ about it and take care of myself!"

"Oh..." Juno said, his voice meek.

"Sit still," Nureyev sighed, walking off. He returned awhile later with the first aid kit, or rather what a wanted thief and a surly detective considered first aid. He helped Juno to sit up and started disinfecting and stitching up the cut. 

"...do you have to I..." Juno sighed. "I want it to hurt."

"Juno."

"The guy who kicked my ass it was..." Juno shifted uncomfortably. "It was someone I put a Soul on. I... hurt him. I thought it was only fair he get to hurt me."

"That's not how this works," Nureyev said, tersely. "Besides... Juno Steel you have suffered enough... without adding to it yourself."

Juno was still pretty drunk, and he found himself losing bits and pieces here and there as Nureyev stitched him up, put away the first aid kit, stripped Juno's boots off his feet, and slid onto the couch with him. Suddenly, Juno was laying back, his head on Nureyev's chest. Nureyev was running slender fingers through his hair, his breath warm on Juno's forehead. 

"... I'm sorry." Juno said.

"I know," Nureyev answered. "You've been saying it for the past thirty minutes."

"Oh..."

There was a pause before Nureyev spoke again. "You know, you did yell and you did get drunk but you also told me why you were upset, and you listened when I talked."

"Progress not perfection... right?" Juno groaned, quoting something Nureyev had told him earlier. 

"Right," Nureyev sighed. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Juno's forehead. "Get some sleep."

"What, here? On the couch?"

"Well everytime you try to walk you fall over and I can't lift you so."

"Go to bed, Nureyev, I'll get there," Juno groaned. "No need for us both to have sore necks."

"You'd have a sore neck, I'm not quite so old as you," Nureyev smirked, and Juno had to laugh at that. 

"No, really, go get in bed. I'll probably crawl in in a few hours after I've slept most of this off..." Juno said, and Nureyev nodded quietly. He gave Juno one last kiss on the forehead before slipping out from underneath him and walking off to the bedroom. Juno listened to him go, closing his eyes and wondering how he got so lucky to find the one person in the universe that never put up with his bullshit. 

Nah, that wasn't helping that had to stop. Nureyev was right, no more making himself suffer. Those bad thoughts, that guilt, that tearing himself up was only making him more volatile and that hurt other people too and... maybe it was okay to also not want to hurt himself anymore.

_Ugh, whatever. Drunk. Tired. Sleep now._ Juno's brain thought, and Juno was more than happy to oblige it.


End file.
